Jeff Gannon Blog

Thursday, August 18, 2005

I've Got A Lot On My Mind


Will hopefully have some big news for you soon. I'm just a bit DISTRACTED because of all the HEARTFELT THINKING I've been doing the last couple days.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Electric Voodoo Liberal Arrives In Crawford

FAKE HOMOSEXUAL LEFTY Jimi Hendrix has joined the MILITANT HIPPY TERROR SQUAD. Although long thought dead, I can state with the CERTAINTY OF A SHOE POLISH VETERAN that this BARBARIC HIPPIE is alive and well. How do I know? Simple.



On faking his death:

Arlo told me to do it," Jimi admitted. "He said pretending to be gay might not work in the future because the military was becoming liberalized beyond our TRUEST LIBERAL DREAMS. The only way to permanently avoid the draft would be to fake my death.


On his illicit SEXUAL LOVE AFFAIR with Cindy Sheehan (she's involved in several):

I think the reason Cindy and I enjoy our sex so much is because it just feels good so we do it, you know? It's like, you know, we don't have no DAMN GOD telling us anything is wrong with saying yes to our nastiest urges.


On his reason for coming back to life:

I just see a lot of like-minded people, man. You know? Kerry will smoke a bowl at a moments notice and just shoot straight reality about the things we need to accomplish like increasing the amount of abortions, illegal aliens, and taxes in America. Kerry also has some great self-inflicted wound war stories that he'll tell if he's done enough HARD DRUGS.


On Michael More:

Straight reality right here: I would take a bullet for Michael Moore, you know? He has an even better way for me to get out of Iraq or any future wars. He says to just not be poor. Apparently I could probably even be lower-middle class and I wouldn't get drafted. As long as I'm not poor. Do you know if Americans would pay to watch a really old rock star try to perform?


Sunday, August 14, 2005

It's Touch And Go

It is appearing more and more likely that diplomacy will not work with this crew of radicals. DEMOCRATS WITH VIOLENT PASTS are flocking to the scene and a few skirmishes have ALREADY ERUPTED.

Chronic FLIP-FLOPPING NORTHEAST MOLESTER APPEASING John Kerry is in town asking THE GOD FEARING LOCALS if he can borrow their WAR MEDALS and throw them into President Bush's KICK ASS RANCH.

Though he was apprehended for his UN-AMERICAN BEHAVIOR, several LEFTY LAWYERS were able to get him out on a LIBERAL technicality.


A day later he was back with his troops, DEVISING WAR PLANS with GOOD FRIEND Jane Fonda, who is constantly either at a TREASON RALLY or ON THE BEACH NAKED.



FLAMING LEFTIES, Jon Voight and Tom Cruise have also hit the scene. I'm hearing a lot of talk from their side (the BONKERS LEFTY SIDE) about FINALLY PUTTING THE EFFING KI-BAASH ON THIS DIRTY EXPERIMENT IN EVIL CALLED AMERICA. I don't like that kind of talk ONE BIT.



Luckily, President Bush has a good friend who has shown up and vowed to back up the President if he is forced to meet some of these SELF INFLICTED SO-CALLED VETERANS in his back yard and FIGHT.


I have it on good authority that President Bush may stipulate that the possible LAST RESORT violence will be fought under TEXAS STYLE RUMBLE RULES, which means no fire-arms or knives, but could include baseball bats and other blunt objects.



The VULTURES on the other side have accepted the challenge, yet they are still haggling over the location of the rumble as well as the number of participants for each side. The LUNATIC FRINGE LIBS are pushing Alice's Restaurant for the location and would like to add SUPERSONIC LIBERAL Arlo Guthrie to their roster.

Alice's Restaurant:




At first it was agreed that it would be an ALL MALE fight, but CINDY "I CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND ABOUT MY SON'S NOBLE DEATH" SHEEHAN has demanded a piece of the action. (She's very MILITANT.) President Bush vowed that he and his posse would NEVER STRIKE A WOMAN, especially a woman who has been BRAINWASHED by Michael Moore, so it wouldn't be fair if someone who COULDN'T BE HIT is in the rumble. Sheehan refused to back down so President Bush once again showed off his LEADERSHIP SKILLS by suggesting that SUPER ARTICULATE CONDI RICE join the AMERICAN TEAM so that she could PUMMEL CINDY SHEEHAN with MORAL CERTAINTY.


This has been a REAL FLUID SITUATION HERE IN CRAWFORD. I will keep you updated . . .