This one's a DOOZY guys. While our WORKAHOLIC PRESIDENT tries to get away for a LITTLE BREATHER, scores of BONKERS HIPPIES have surrounded the city and are BRAINWASHING THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN.
After spending a few hours probing six or seven ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS, I decided to do what I do best: I polished up my trusty brown Nun Bush's and hit the streets.
First I talked to the GOD-FEARING LOCALS and found out that they have been too scared to go outside of their homes since MICHAEL MOORE WANNABE Cindy Sheehan and her band of LETHAL HIPPIES invaded. One local, who prefered not to be identified due to a WELL-FOUNDED FEAR of being cannibalized by the LIBERALS in town, put it like this:
It's just a darn shame that these Democrats and centrist Republicans have decided to attack President Bush's hometown. I mean, this is where he learned to be a rancher. What a darn shame. Does anybody remember Freedom?
The scene on the streets was SCARY AS HELL. I saw troops of hippies marching in unison to BONKERS LEFTY WAR MUSIC.
I saw MILITANT HIPPIE MILITIAS preparing shields for THEIR UNJUSTIFIED WAR ON CRAWFORD.
And the children. The poor poor children. I saw FORMER INNOCENT CHILDREN who have been trained by their HIPPIE MOTHERS (who were themselves BRAINWASHED by MICHAEL MOORE)TO BE FULLY BONKERS LEFTISTS.
And the ringleader is Cindy Sheehan. A woman who has flip-flopped her position on her son's death more than John Kerry's flip-flops combined.
First she's happy about her son's death and then she's sad. Then she says she was actually sad about her son's death before she was happy about it. Get a backbone. Ever heard of RESOLVE?