Jeff Gannon Blog

Saturday, August 13, 2005

FYI . . .

Nouvelle Gannon


I still get urges.

President Bush Will Only Use Force As A LAST RESORT

In an EXCLUSIVE 5-minute PROBING OF THE PRESIDENT, I unvarnished this juicy nugget of a scoop: Our HUMBLE President has decided to only use violence against the BARBARIC HIPPIES WHO HAVE INVADED HIS GOD-FEARING HOME TOWN as a last resort.

"All options are on the table," Bush, speaking at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, said. Asked if that included the use of force, Bush replied: "As I say, all options are on the table. The use of force is the last option for any president and you know, we've used force in the recent past to secure our country."


God, does our COMMANDER AND KICK ASS CHIEF know how to lead or what? As a MORTAL MAN, I'm not sure I'd have the patience to hold back against this crew of USA HATERS. Led by OVER-THE-TOP GRIEVING LEFTY FLIP-FLOPPER Cindy Sheehan, these militants MEAN BUSINESS. Yet President Bush is proving his Lincolnesque LEADERSHIP SKILLS with his unique understanding that 9/11 CHANGED EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. These CANNIBALISTIC DEMOCRAT HIPPIES are fighting a DIFFERENT KIND OF WAR and President Bush knows he needs to do the same.

"In all these instances we want diplomacy to work and so we're working feverishly on the diplomatic route and we'll see if we're successful or not."


Friday, August 12, 2005

Elevated From Comments

I don't have time to deal with this NONSENSE because I'm going out to research the Crawford night life in a few minutes. Could someone please straighten out this well-intentioned, YET BONKERS, LEFTY LIBERAL?

Doug said...

What "noble cause" did any American service person die for in Bush's invasion of Iraq? Our armed forces are in Iraq to make Bush and his cronies richer. Period. End of story. That is not a "noble cause" for anyone.

BTW. Since I'm the only person outside of yourself to actually comment on your blog, here's a clue, "jenna bush" wears sandals and flip-flops. If you had any shred of journalistic credibility, you might have noticed that in many of the photos of her. Get a clue, moron.





Thursday, August 11, 2005

Lefty Militant Hippies Have Invaded Crawford And Are Being Led By Brainwashed Mothers With Dead Sons Who Died A Noble Death For A Noble Cause

This one's a DOOZY guys. While our WORKAHOLIC PRESIDENT tries to get away for a LITTLE BREATHER, scores of BONKERS HIPPIES have surrounded the city and are BRAINWASHING THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN.

Brain washed01

After spending a few hours probing six or seven ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS, I decided to do what I do best: I polished up my trusty brown Nun Bush's and hit the streets.

First I talked to the GOD-FEARING LOCALS and found out that they have been too scared to go outside of their homes since MICHAEL MOORE WANNABE Cindy Sheehan and her band of LETHAL HIPPIES invaded. One local, who prefered not to be identified due to a WELL-FOUNDED FEAR of being cannibalized by the LIBERALS in town, put it like this:
It's just a darn shame that these Democrats and centrist Republicans have decided to attack President Bush's hometown. I mean, this is where he learned to be a rancher. What a darn shame. Does anybody remember Freedom?

The scene on the streets was SCARY AS HELL. I saw troops of hippies marching in unison to BONKERS LEFTY WAR MUSIC.

crawford hippies


crawford hippies2

And the children. The poor poor children. I saw FORMER INNOCENT CHILDREN who have been trained by their HIPPIE MOTHERS (who were themselves BRAINWASHED by MICHAEL MOORE)TO BE FULLY BONKERS LEFTISTS.


And the ringleader is Cindy Sheehan. A woman who has flip-flopped her position on her son's death more than John Kerry's flip-flops combined.


First she's happy about her son's death and then she's sad. Then she says she was actually sad about her son's death before she was happy about it. Get a backbone. Ever heard of RESOLVE?

flip flop

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

The BONKERS LEFTIES ON THE FAR FAR LEFT Have Brainwashed Our Sweet American Mothers


Another great shoe-polish reporter, Bill O'Reilly, does his best to talk some sense into one of the many BRAINWASHED MOMS WITH DEAD SONS who are attempting to disrupt the WAR ON TERRORISM.

Won't be long until I'm on the ground in Crawford . . .

I Humbly Ask Permission To Temporarily Suspend My Current Assignment In Order To Go To Crawford


Monday, August 08, 2005

Excuse Me As I Sound My Barbaric Yawp (The Flashback Post You've Been BEGGING Me For)

The structure of my post will be that of a FLASHBACK EPISODE, similar to certain late era episodes of Family Ties or Growing Pains. The concept is that we're sitting on the sofa or hanging out in the kitchen telling entertaining stories about the past.

Do you remember the time a bunch of LOONY SUSAN LIBERAL TROLLS questioned my SHOE POLISH reporting? (WAVY TRANSITION EFFECT) Wasn't that AWESOME how I TOTALLY DOMINATED THEM in the debate?


Wasn't it wacky the time I broke the story that the HILLARY DUFF CONDOM PICTURE was a forgery?


Or, how about the time I nearly took my weapon down to the Mexican border?


You guys get so ANGRY when I don't post ALL THE TIME.
I was really ONTO SOMETHING with this analysis.




You guys are SO GULLIBLE!