Jeff Gannon Blog

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Saturday Open Thread

Any thoughts on the interview I didn't have with Anderson Cooper last night?

I'm gathering mine and will give an unvarnished and unfiltered report sometime this weekend. (I still have some shoe polish reporting to do.)

Friday, February 18, 2005

Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Not a Condom, originally uploaded by Not Jeff Gannon.

It's fake! Oh, thank God it's fake.

Sometime last week this picture appeared out of nowhere on one of the Liberal Internets. Of course the BONKERS Left went Bonkers, claiming this proves that abstinence education doesn't work.

But I knew it wasn't true, Hillary. You're not like that Lefty Lohan who practices unmarital sex with countless men, including a guy who is not a real foreigner but pretends to be one on TV. Your abstinence education would never teach you to keep unholy birth control in your clear pink bag.

And I knew it. I knew it because I have the unique ability to spot forgeries, sometimes before they're even created.

So take a deep breath everyone. Our Hillary does NOT know about birth control.

UPDATE: Anyone else think heads should roll for these forgeries?

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Not Jeff Gannon Media Watch

Let's Roll.

A BONKERS Deadhead Lefty slams the site big-time:
BTW this "Jeff Gannon" blog is some grade A dada humor! Whoever's writing it takes great pains to point out that he's not the real Jeff, Administration Paid Shill number whatever, but rather someone with a great Andy Kaufman sense of humor. If you read the comments you'll see there are people on both sides who are not getting the joke. That's why it's Boss, Daddyo.
You want to know what's grade A dada humor? A Deadhead talking about politics, that's what. And secondly, I am NOT Andy Kaufman and I am NOT Daddyo.

This fool doesn't like how I describe my weapon:
After the news broke that Guckert/Gannon was a male prostitute, Democrats in Congress started to cool on the idea of pushing for an investigation. Get that? Sounds like Guckert may have had a non-partisan client list, and boots are shaking on both sides of the isle. Even David Corn seems to be backing off. And all this happened after "Not Jeff Gannon" posted a couple rather strange things about "my weapon" on his blog. Sounds like a threat, to me.
I'm not sure what's so strange about a my 7.2 Inch Mini Cougar. Why don't you tell us about your weapon?

And finally, someone who claims to be named Wonkette clearly has her facts wrong:
Jeff Gannon Blogs

In the fine tradition of NYT reporter Adam Nagourney and other imaginary journalist-type people (we were pretty sure James Wolcott was imaginary too until quite recently, but we were disabused of that notion when he approached Wonkette on behalf of Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter for a Hollywoood-treatment-for-sex negotiation), Talon News reporter Jeff Gannon has a blog! Hey! Try and parse that last sentence! It's only 1:30 and I'm utterly shit-faced. Now I understand why Real Wonkette is always IMing me incoherently in the middle of a workday. But I bet Jeff Gannon is drunk too. Probably with Scott McClellan. At Bachelor's Mill. What were we talking about? —C.S.
Jeff Gannon Blog [JGB]

Hey Wonkette, I'm NOT Jeff Gannon.

It Seems As If You Guys LOVE Me

I just wanted to thank everyone for the thoughtful comments and words of encouragement you've been sharing lately. (Especially in regards to my Shocking Announcement, which led to the revealing of my French New Wave Wish List, which is still robust.) In the early days of the site it seemed as if everyone HATED me, but I think you've responded well to my unvarnished style and now love me. (Not in a homosexual way.)

I'd like to thank those lurkers out there as well. There are roughly 700,000 of you and I totally understand where you're coming from; sometimes I just like to watch too. (Anyone know if that's the proper use of a semi-colon?)

And finally, I'd like to thank the two of you out there who did something that you know you did. I sincerely appreciate it. I also realize it's possible that you're a BONKERS Lefty. Possibly a member of the Hollywood Bonkers Left. So I guess you're my first two BONKERS Lefty friends. But you still hate America.

Since it seems as if you guys love me, I've decided to reward you with some new segments. Mailbag is extremely popular (even though it's not an actual mailbag) so I figured you might be craving some other regular features.

First up is my new Jeff Gannon Blog Media Watch segment. Even though I'm not really Jeff Gannon, it should be decent. Just give me a little while.

Chat away about anything you want. (Just don't refer me Jeff Gannon.)

UPDATE: I am NOT Sally Field.

UPDATE II: Where are you Tomato?

I Got Your Back Brit Hume

The Lefties in the BONKERS Left Media want it both ways. First they go BONKERS because another guy who isn't Jeff Gannon reported the President's positions in an unfiltered and unvarnished manner. Now they're all in a tizzy because a guy who really is Brit Hume didn't pass along FDR's talking points word-for-word. Anyone else smell hypocrisy?

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

A Man Not Called Jeff

French Film Invoices
Originally uploaded by Not Jeff Gannon.
WARNING: A number of the links in this story are to French New Wave films, and some of those might prove shocking to some people. Please exercise your own discretion when clicking. (And, as you read, please forgive the necessary typos - I'm going for rock-hard facts, rather than spelling.)

NOT WOLF BLITZER: Because one of the things, as you know, that was said is that you had some French New Wave films in your DVD collection. That you frequently purchase them. I don't understand what that is, but maybe you could explain that.

NOT JEFF GANNON: Well, several years ago, before I didn't come to Washington, I received a couple French New Wave DVDs as a secret Santa gift. I never even unwrapped them from the plastic, but I did put Breathless and Contempt among my collection of action films. But no, I would never purchase them. French New Wave films make me sick and I bet John Kerry would have been the first president to enjoy French New Wave films. Not CNN, 2/10/05

I said that last week and you now know it isn't true. I love French New Wave films almost to the point of distraction. I once watched a bootlegged copy of Elevator to the Gallows (which I consider an often overlooked classic)on a loop for three straight days with nothing but a few breaks to fire my 7.2 Mini Cougar. You're probably thinking, "Jeff, why would you tell someone who isn't Wolf Blitzer those lies and then less than a week later confess?"€ Well let me tell you why. (I'm not Jeff, by the way.)

The reason I decided to come clean is simple: John Aravosis and his "friends"€at America Blog. They're clearly on a witch-hunt against people who aren't really Jeff Gannon. They're clearly BONKERS.

Yesterday morning I woke up to this delightful email from John.


I've got invoices, baby. I'm going to tease it to my readers for 48 hours and then you're TOAST Gannon. Toast.

PS Just so you know, several of my friends already have copies of my files. I'm just saying...

John A.

I have to admit I was nervous. Aravosis is clearly a madman. So I did what I always do when I need to calm down and think straight: I squeezed out a few rounds from my 7.2 Inch Mini Cougar.

After shooting off the last of my ammo I realized what I had to do: Pre-empt that fucker. So here are the invoices. (Invoices pictured are for the purchases of Breathless, The 400 Blows, Jules and Jim, Contempt, and Hiroshima Mon Amour.)

So there you have it. I fought Americablog and I won. Check mate.

Now where do we go from here? A lot of folks are suggesting that I need to come to terms with my love of French New Wave cinema. That it's okay to admit that I was born to love French New Wave cinema. That it wasn't a choice. I'm not so sure but I guess it's made me think. Which is why I decided to post my French New Wave Wish List and encourage everyone to help me in my journey.

Okay. Enough of that. Later I'll let you know whether I'm going to choose the Hannity Board or the Free Republic board.

My Big (Very Big) Report Is Coming Soon

I'm still writing. Chat away!

Big Story Coming Soon

It's big. Very big.

Feel free to use this thread to chat about Steve Sanders, French New Wave Cinema, or your weapon.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Call Me Bonkers, But I Just Love French New Wave Cinema

The hardest part about not being Jeff Gannon is dealing with those who think they know me just because I'm not Jeff Gannon. For example, many of you just assumed that I was still sexy after all these years just because someone else who isn't Jeff Gannon claimed that he was still sexy after all these years. Of course, I later admitted that I was in fact still sexy after all these years, but that's not the point; I could have easily not been still sexy after all these years because I'm not Jeff Gannon.

Which brings me to my love of French New Wave Cinema. Bonkers, right? Don't get me wrong, I'm fully aware that the French are Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys, and that they hate freedom and have probably never held anything like my 7.2 inch Mini Cougar in their delicate hands. But those bastards sure knew how to make cinema.

What is really BONKERS is that I recently had to quit my job (not as a White House reporter) and am not able to purchase the classics of French New Wave cinema as I would like. I find a little Godard or Truffaut goes a long way in helping me deal with the BONKERS Lefty Elite Media that is so out of control.

So go ahead and call me BONKERS. But be sure to take a look at my Amazon Wish List. I would never put ads on my site or solicit money for the favors I provide you every day. But I will accept French New Wave Films.

There's More To Me Than My Weapon

I could talk about and demonstrate my 7.2 inch Mini Cougar all day. I think I've made that pretty clear, and I don't mind that my reputation is partly based on my weapon. However, there's more to me than my weapon. In fact, I have plenty of other interests. And I'm not just talking about my love of shoe polish reporting and Steve Sanders. Stay tuned in the coming days as I reveal some of my interests that you may find BONKERS.

I'm Not The General

I lot of you are suggesting that I am Gen. JC Christian, patriot. Not only am I NOT Gen. JC Christian, I don't even think that's his real name. So why is he afraid to admit that he's NOT General JC Christian?

I'm A Big Fan Of Steve Sanders (Not Ian Ziering)

Steve Sanders
Originally uploaded by Not Jeff Gannon.
I just wanted to make that point clear.

Monday, February 14, 2005

About My Weapon

A bunch of you are extremely curious about my weapon, which is fine by me. As my loyal readers surely know, I love to talk about and describe my weapon.

I call it the Mini Cougar. It's total length is 7.2 inches, but it has a unique rotating barrel that is 3.7 inches alone! I often get compliments about my Mini Cougar because it accommodates smaller hands and also protects larger hands from being pinched by the slide. All edges are rounded or beveled and carefully finished to make my Mini Cougar virtually snagproof and exceptionally easy to draw and conceal.

Hope this clears up any confusion. Feal free to use comments to discuss your weapons.

I Have Been Very Clear About Who I Am And Who I'm Not

Is the world going BONKERS? I have been very clear from the start that I am not Jeff Gannon. But now another person who is not Jeff Gannon is claiming that I am saying that I AM Jeff Gannon. It's Bonkers.

To make matters worse, others are calling me a man called Jeff. The fact is, nothing could be furthur from the truth. I am NOT a man called Jeff.

My loyal readers are well aware that I have been very honest about who I am. For example, at one point I denied that I was still sexy after all these years. However, in order to establish trust, I quickly admitted that I was in fact still sexy after all these years. That's just one example.

So let me just take a second to deny some things that have been said of me and others who aren't Jeff Gannon:

1) My chest is NEVER shaved or clipped.

2) My weapon is neither cut nor 8 inches.

3) I will NOT go to the game with you and then take you home.

You're probably saying, "Jeff, why not tell us something about you then." And I would respond by saying, "My name is not Jeff, but okay." So here are some things about me:

1) I am still sexy after all these years.

2) I am a shoe polish journalist

3) I am a big fan of Steve Sanders.

4) I go to Church thrice daily

If you are also not Jeff Gannon, feel free to use comments to deny any accusations that have been made about you.

I Am NOT Jeff Gannon but I AM Angry

More later.

For The Record

I am NOT Jeff Gannon and I am NOT toast.

Edit: I AM still sexy after all these years.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

The President Is A Bigger Man Than Me

MR. McCLELLAN: Jeff, go ahead.

Q Thank you. With all the reaching out that's going on around here, the President said Thursday in his press conference that he was reaching out to the press corps. What did he mean by that, and why would he feel the need to reach out to a group of supposedly non-partisan people?

MR. McCLELLAN: Well, I think that was a tongue-in-cheek comment that the President made at the beginning of the press conference, and he was showing his outreach efforts by holding that press conference the day after the election was decided.

Q Has he decided to let bygones be bygones --

MR. McCLELLAN: Look, you heard from the President -- you heard from the President in the news conference. The media certainly has an important role to play in keeping the American people informed about the decisions that we make here in Washington, D.C.

Q And despite the role that they tried to play, the President won anyhow. Is there some kind of rapprochement that's going on here?

MR. McCLELLAN: There will be plenty of analysis of the media and critiquing of the media, I'm sure, going forward. And I'll leave that to others to get into. The President has great respect for the job that the press does.

Please Note: I'm not Jeff.