Jeff Gannon Blog

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

A Man Not Called Jeff


French Film Invoices
Originally uploaded by Not Jeff Gannon.
WARNING: A number of the links in this story are to French New Wave films, and some of those might prove shocking to some people. Please exercise your own discretion when clicking. (And, as you read, please forgive the necessary typos - I'm going for rock-hard facts, rather than spelling.)

NOT WOLF BLITZER: Because one of the things, as you know, that was said is that you had some French New Wave films in your DVD collection. That you frequently purchase them. I don't understand what that is, but maybe you could explain that.

NOT JEFF GANNON: Well, several years ago, before I didn't come to Washington, I received a couple French New Wave DVDs as a secret Santa gift. I never even unwrapped them from the plastic, but I did put Breathless and Contempt among my collection of action films. But no, I would never purchase them. French New Wave films make me sick and I bet John Kerry would have been the first president to enjoy French New Wave films. Not CNN, 2/10/05

I said that last week and you now know it isn't true. I love French New Wave films almost to the point of distraction. I once watched a bootlegged copy of Elevator to the Gallows (which I consider an often overlooked classic)on a loop for three straight days with nothing but a few breaks to fire my 7.2 Mini Cougar. You're probably thinking, "Jeff, why would you tell someone who isn't Wolf Blitzer those lies and then less than a week later confess?"€ Well let me tell you why. (I'm not Jeff, by the way.)

The reason I decided to come clean is simple: John Aravosis and his "friends"€at America Blog. They're clearly on a witch-hunt against people who aren't really Jeff Gannon. They're clearly BONKERS.

Yesterday morning I woke up to this delightful email from John.

Gannon,

I've got invoices, baby. I'm going to tease it to my readers for 48 hours and then you're TOAST Gannon. Toast.

PS Just so you know, several of my friends already have copies of my files. I'm just saying...

John A.

I have to admit I was nervous. Aravosis is clearly a madman. So I did what I always do when I need to calm down and think straight: I squeezed out a few rounds from my 7.2 Inch Mini Cougar.

After shooting off the last of my ammo I realized what I had to do: Pre-empt that fucker. So here are the invoices. (Invoices pictured are for the purchases of Breathless, The 400 Blows, Jules and Jim, Contempt, and Hiroshima Mon Amour.)

So there you have it. I fought Americablog and I won. Check mate.

Now where do we go from here? A lot of folks are suggesting that I need to come to terms with my love of French New Wave cinema. That it's okay to admit that I was born to love French New Wave cinema. That it wasn't a choice. I'm not so sure but I guess it's made me think. Which is why I decided to post my French New Wave Wish List and encourage everyone to help me in my journey.

Okay. Enough of that. Later I'll let you know whether I'm going to choose the Hannity Board or the Free Republic board.

38 Comments:

  • america blog is full of godless sodomites and selfish hedonists who are determined to destroy this godly nation. youre appreciation for french new wave cinema is regretable, but it is proof that youre in touch with your feminine side, and as a red blooded anglo american female with an intense cock fight fetish, i can only imagine that we would make our respective parents proud if we began a (plutonic)relationship that would eventually lead to a fine upstanding heterosexual marriage in which i will provide you with a wonderful liter of heterosexual children who will excel in all sports (males) and become proud housewives to upwardly mobile republican operatives who are committed to the salvation of the christian identity of our fore fathers.

    By Anonymous daughter of the american revolution, at 8:46 PM  

  • I also am a member of good standing with concerned women for america and have a real appreciation for my fathers gun.

    By Anonymous daughter of the american revolution, at 8:47 PM  

  • fuck america blog, as supporters of yours, we have bigger fish to fry; the liberal bonkers on air america are trying to destroy the reputation of not jeff gannon, while that bastion of liberal bonkers muckraking that is the niagara falls reporter is trying to persuade the not white members of congress to launch a full fledged tax payer funded investigation into how not jeff gannon might not have gotten into the white house press room to ask president of the united states questions that were intensely not partisan. ready your weapon.

    By Anonymous a comrade in ARMS, at 8:59 PM  

  • 'Hiroshima Mon Amour' is actually a song by Ultravox! (they used to have a ! back when John Foxx was their lead singer). A lot of people think 'Enola Gay' was a really original new wave song, but it was a total rip-off of 'Hiroshima Mon Amour'. Okay, a rather good rip-off.

    As for French cinema, how can you enjoy a movie when you have to sit and read all the bits at the bottom?

    By Anonymous plastic bertrand, at 1:10 AM  

  • Whoo! I'm still "processing" this as those looney Kalifornians would say. Why can't you watch some great American movies like "Eight on a Lam" (love that Bob Hope!) or something with Chuck Norris or Sylvester Stallone? Yeah, I know Stallone's a wop but he's still a great American hero. But those French movies? Sheez! At least that dude Belmondo knows how to handle his women. And he has such a gorgeous profile and a really sexy lean body. By the way, I am NOT a homosexual.

    Just got out of bed, need to clean and oil my gun. Think I'll pull out my copy of "The Green Berets" and watch it for support and inspiration.

    By Blogger steverford, at 6:05 AM  

  • steveford,
    I knew this would be painful and confusing for you. I'm sorry. But you do seem to be extremely familiar with the FNW. (Perhaps you should secure your invoices.)

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