Jeff Gannon Blog

Thursday, February 17, 2005

I Got Your Back Brit Hume

The Lefties in the BONKERS Left Media want it both ways. First they go BONKERS because another guy who isn't Jeff Gannon reported the President's positions in an unfiltered and unvarnished manner. Now they're all in a tizzy because a guy who really is Brit Hume didn't pass along FDR's talking points word-for-word. Anyone else smell hypocrisy?


  • Those commie Roosevelts should just be happy that one of their kind is still on the great American dime. Cause pretty soon his mug is going to be replaced by an inspiring likeness of the greatest American president ever: Ronald Reagan.

    Jeff Who Is Not Jeff,

    The reason I know so much about those faggy French New Wave films (or “Nouvelle Vague” as they call it over there in pate land – sounds like a piss elegant hairdresser doesn’t it?) is because for a while I had this girlfriend who was really into those crappy movies and made me snooze through a bunch of them. She was a liberal Chablis-sipper but I kept her around because she had bodacious ta-tas and let me put my eight inches of throbbing manhood in her backdoor, if you know what I mean. And then she got mad at me for renting some Arnie movies, called me a self-hating, fascist closet case, and left me for some frickin French poet she met in her yoga class.

    Women… they get so hysterical. And not just during their periods.

    But hey, no problem if you like those movies. Lots of manly men have hobbies other than drinking beer and watching professional football. One of the guys down at the recruiting office, Chad, has a thing for little porcelain figurines of kittens and puppies. And he’s a real man’s man, let me tell you. We often get together on the weekend, don our jock straps, slather our hard and muscular bodies with olive oil, and engage in invigorating sessions of macho and healthy Graeco-Roman wrestling. After that we shower together and use loofahs on each other to get all the oil and sweat off. Bill O’Reilly is right…those things are great! When we’re both squeaky clean we exchange backrubs. It’s a great way for military men to bond and blow off steam.

    I’m just glad that you didn’t let your Francophilic cinephilia intrude into your professional life as a conservative journalist. If you had I can only imagine the softball questions you would have lobbed at Our Leader:

    “Mr. President, since French New Wave directors often drew their inspiration from tough American gangster and western movies, and since they were also heavily influenced by red-blooded he-men directors like Howard Hawks and Samuel Fuller, can you explain why the French idea of masculinity is Inspector Clouseau?

    “Mr. President, would you agree with me that the events at the Cinematique francais in 1968 illustrate perfectly why there should never be government funding of the arts?

    “Mr. President, some pathetic academic loser has referred to the movies of Godard as the ‘cinema of subversion.’” Do you think that Godard’s celebration of Marxism, alternative lifestyles, adultery, political protest, and pot smoking in his films is the reason the French make such lousy cars?”

    “Mr. President, don’t you think that Sami Frey in “Bande a part” is just the cutest?

    By Blogger steverford, at 10:57 AM  

  • steveford,
    I gotta tell you buddy: I used to use the girlfriend explanation as well. That was before I settled on the secret Santa angle. I think you've got some growing to do. I'm here for you.

    Your questions are intriguing and I'll wrestle with them later.

    By Blogger J. Gannon, at 2:47 PM  

  • Aw man, that Secret Santa shit is for kids. Try this:

    "I found these overpriced DVDs of movies where they don't even speak English in a dumpster behind an out-of-business lefty bookstore in Hell's Kitchen (I was slumming). I took them home because one of them was called "Hiroshima Mon Amour" and I thought it was a cool documentary about our totally justified bombing of that militarily insignificant city. Instead it was all this mawkish crap about love, memory, and oblivion."

    Or maybe:

    "My sister took a film course at Sewanee Community College where I guess they had to watch all these foreign movies. I got all her stuff after she died bungee jumping off the Space Needle in Seattle."

    Oh, by the way... you don't need to worry one bit about my invoices or anything else that belongs to me. My two pit bulls, Dick and Donald, will rip to shreds any dumb shit who tries to touch my stuff.

    By Blogger steverford, at 3:19 PM  

  • i am so tired of these whiney liberals trying to sully the reputations of true american patriots like brit hume. send that aggitator brock down to me. i have some special gitmo sweetness to dish out to that cornholing turncoat. 48 hours with me, and that traitorous rebel rousing, lying sack of monkey shit, will be back on board with the good 'ol USA.
    well, so glad i can get a taste of some real americana. in the future i'll post some great tales of "information extraction" from good 'ol gitmo. trust me, we know how to rock and roll these ragheads but good.

    By Anonymous guard at gitmo, at 7:51 PM  

  • franklin delano rosenfeld. sounds pretty unamerican to me. social security...what a fucking joke! i say, kill 'em all, let god sort 'em out. time to clean my gun and take some pot shots at another A-rab trying to escape. after that, tennis anyone?

    By Anonymous guard at gitmo, at 7:55 PM  

  • Guard at Gitmo,

    That sounds interesting. Mind if I call you GaG?


    By Blogger J. Gannon, at 7:56 PM  

  • jeff who's not jeff, it's funny you mention G.A.G. the boys at the sports bar i go to back home in philadelphia, mississippi, call me that. I don't know why. i sure miss home though, monday nights we go and watch raw and after drinking a couple of cases of PABST BLUE RIBBON we like to go get our and clean them...then we shoot we drive down to jackson where all those fags hang out soliciting sex and we give them a real going over.

    By Anonymous Guard At Gitmo, at 8:34 PM  

  • oh, then i go home, and fuck the holy hell out of my wife. who is white by the way.

    By Anonymous guard at gitmo, at 8:37 PM  

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