Jeff Gannon Blog

Friday, February 18, 2005

Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Not a Condom, originally uploaded by Not Jeff Gannon.

It's fake! Oh, thank God it's fake.

Sometime last week this picture appeared out of nowhere on one of the Liberal Internets. Of course the BONKERS Left went Bonkers, claiming this proves that abstinence education doesn't work.

But I knew it wasn't true, Hillary. You're not like that Lefty Lohan who practices unmarital sex with countless men, including a guy who is not a real foreigner but pretends to be one on TV. Your abstinence education would never teach you to keep unholy birth control in your clear pink bag.

And I knew it. I knew it because I have the unique ability to spot forgeries, sometimes before they're even created.

So take a deep breath everyone. Our Hillary does NOT know about birth control.

UPDATE: Anyone else think heads should roll for these forgeries?


  • i am of course relieved that it's not a condom, but i think it's crucial to immediately call that all condom sales be restricted to males only.

    By Anonymous not phyllis schafley(not the eagle forum), at 6:56 PM  

  • who needs a condom when you can just use your fist.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:58 PM  

  • she would be perfect if she were younger...and a tawianese hooker.

    By Anonymous not ralph reed, at 6:59 PM  

  • forgeries are good when used in the correct context.

    By Anonymous not karl rove, at 7:05 PM  

  • Shhhhh.

    By Blogger J. Gannon, at 7:07 PM  

  • how quaint..."shhh"
    accept it njg. relish it. live it. we're above the law!

    By Anonymous not karl rove, at 7:22 PM  

  • "Quaint"?

    It's an honor to have you Mr. Attorney General. Welcome to my site. I'm NOT Jeff Gannon.

    By Blogger J. Gannon, at 7:25 PM  

  • Mr. Attorney General? I thought he was Master Puppeteer.

    By Blogger steverford, at 7:30 PM  

  • njg,
    i would like to invite you to my private suite at the heritage institue this weekend. the whole gang will be there, not scott, not alberto, not bob novak, not armstrong williams,'re going to drink very expensive champaigne, masturbate relentlessly, and laugh with cynical contempt about how we fucked joe wilson's wife right in the ass, and figure out new and sick shit we can perpetuate on those countless twits that keep voting for that fuckin' idiot. C'mon, it'll be a hootenanny.

    christ im so fuckin' drunk with power that i got armstrong singin' one of them ol' fashion nigra work gonna have alberto wax my fuckin' car later...fuck...on your way over, pick up that twat coulter, we'll throw her on the bottom of the gang bang again...get your not gay ass over here and enjoy the fruits of our labor! Fuck YEAH!

    By Anonymous not karl rove, at 7:35 PM  

  • Gee, this all sounded like a lot of fun and I was sad that I wasn't invited but then I got to the part about fucking Ann Coulter and then I was REAL happy that I wasn't invited and also pleased that I managed not to throw up on my keyboard and even though I'm a real man and a staunch Republican I wouldn't put my Big Johnny in that toxic waste dump she calls her cunt.

    By Blogger steverford, at 7:45 PM  

  • sf, a minor oversight...youre in motherfucker...we've got not ingram over here and she's tricking out one of those not o'reilly celebrity dildos. not limbaughs over here with his fourth fuckin' values--i can't even say that with a straight fuckin' face...and we're popping oxycontin like fuckin' skittles.
    if you want, pick up whore on your way, we'll use the bitch up then off the cunt and bathe in her fuckin' blood!

    By Anonymous not karl rove, at 7:56 PM  

  • Settle down, fellas. Remember, the pure image of Hillary Duff not with a condom in her bag is in our presence.

    By Blogger J. Gannon, at 7:59 PM  

  • Done! And I'm gonna stop by Ashcroft's place and buy us enough crystal to keep us freakin' and fuckin' for a week. We are really gonna pnp!

    By Blogger steverford, at 8:02 PM  

  • everything seems fine at the party...but remember...NO GAY SEX. it will lead to sex with animals.

    where the fuck is my dog?

    By Anonymous not rick santorum, at 8:21 PM  

  • i'll be basing the main character in my new novel on hillary duff.

    By Anonymous not lynne cheney, at 8:26 PM  

  • sounds like a typical night at guantanamo.

    By Anonymous guard at gitmo, at 8:27 PM  

  • Mmm. Well, if Hillary doesn't know how to properly operate that mechanism, I'd be glad to demonstrate.

    It's a delicate subject that will take some intense and deep...probing.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:17 AM  

  • Glad to see that you understand that Godly women should be placed on a pedestal and never be allowed to exhibit basic human needs and emotions (except for floozies who are into anal sex, of course... but then, those chicks aren’t exactly Godly, are they?). As my Boy Scout troop leader used to say when we were all having a circle jerk around the camp fire: All women are either wives, mothers, or hookers.

    Great interview you didn’t give last with that pansy Cooper. Stand your guns, man, these lefty queers are on the run!

    PS: Sorry I got carried away in my previous two posts. Being that close to Total Power went to my head.

    By Blogger steverford, at 8:35 AM  

  • what happened last night? not bob novak broke his hip again, and not armstrong williams woke up in black face.

    why does my ass hurt?

    By Anonymous not karl rove, at 2:31 PM  

  • Ann Coulter brought her strap-on dildo to the party.

    By Blogger steverford, at 3:19 PM  

  • sf,
    she doesn't have a strap-on.

    oh fuck.

    By Anonymous not karl rove, at 3:45 PM  

  • LOL! This blog was hilarious, you made my day. She is just another Hollywoody hypocrit. Knock on wood.

    By Blogger Enigma America, at 6:39 PM  

  • Not Karl Rove,

    You think you've got it bad? You should see what Liz Cheney did to my testicles with her cattle prod.

    By Blogger steverford, at 7:21 PM  

  • Who is Hillary Duff and why does she only carry one condom around with her? Is this the 21st century sexuality? Just once a night (or day) ?

    Why, back in the day, the guy bought the condoms, and he bought them, in three-packs, or 12-packs. Ya just never know when your parents might suddenly go away for the weekend.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:16 AM  

  • sf, i have issued a directive, that we will never speak of the tomfoolerly that was not engaged in until the wee hours of the morning. To assure that we are all in agreement, you will be asked to sign a loyalty oath by 9am sunday morning or you may be find yourself under harsh sanctions from our beloved and inspired leader, king george of the dubya.

    By Anonymous not karl rove, at 1:29 AM  

  • Come on everyone, we all can assume that our li'l Duff is as Virginy as the day she was born, i am sure the "condom" is for her "older, married brother." And what's this about a sex party with Bob Novak and where the hell is it? God, he is so hot, i bet even Jeff Gannon would ---- him.

    By Blogger Lawson Copywrite & Co., at 12:36 AM  

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